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Funny Status in English for Instagram, WhatsApp, and Facebook
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors aren’t.
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
Fairies are real… I have one. She calls herself my sister.
Whenever I have tough times in my life, I always ask you for solutions. Do you know why? Because I trust you more than Google!
God knew that only a genius sister like me could handle a stupid brother like you.
You and Me basically the same product from our parents but you are the one with a lack of common sense defect.
My girlfriend told me I have to buy her make-ups & jewelry so she can look more beautiful in parties. I said, why waste money? I’ll lend you some beauty from my sister.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice 🙂
If there was an award for the most useless brother of the year, you’d be a living legend.
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
It may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later.
Farts are like children, I’m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Google must be a woman because it knows everything.
We are WTF generation… WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbor’s wife, And beer as COLD as your own. 🙂
I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.
I really don’t have any idea how someone so immature, funny & embarrassing could be my sister & best friend.
A rose is a rose even when I call it by other names, An idiot is an idiot even when I call him as a brother.
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them is wearing pants?
Hey there Whatsapp is using me.
I’m not addicted to Whatsapp. I only use it when I have time, lunch time, break time, bedtime, this time, that time, at any time, all the time. 🙂
Here my dad comes on Whatsapp… From now on my status would be ‘***no status***’ or just a smiley…
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
People who exercise live longer, but what’s the point when those extra years are spent at the gym.
I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. 🙂
When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be I left one million dollars in the…
Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make me a bad person.
I’m Jealous Of My Parents… I’ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!
It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation…
The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight 🙂
You can never buy Love…But still, you have to pay for it…
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!
I wake up when I can’t hold my pee in any longer.
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
In Modern Politics, Even The Leader Of The Free World Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan!
Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my Facebook Status?
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol
I want someone to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. 🙂
Mosquitoes are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
Being soaked alone is cold. Being soaked with your best friend is an adventure.
Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL
C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping 🙂
My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death!
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you’re going to die.
Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.
If College has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
Life is too short smile while you still have teeth…
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
When I’m a Pedestrian I Hate cars… When I’m Driving I Hate Pedestrians…
Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed call… Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!
Pretty girls turn heads. I and my girls break necks!
Dear Boys I have sent you a Friend Request Not a Marriage Proposal so kindly stop overacting!
I’m not hot, it’s called cuteness overload.
Tall guy + short girl = cutie! But short guy + tall girl = awkward.
I only need 3 things in life: Food, WiFi, Sleep 🙂
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions 🙂
I’m not interested in just being the hot girl. I’m really goofy, and I love laughing, and that’s such a big part of who I am.
Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. Send him to KFC.
Boys, if you don’t look like Calvin Klein models, don’t expect us to look like Victoria’s secrets angels. From All Bachelor Girls Association. 🙂
I like a man who looks like a bad boy but knows how to treat a woman like a queen.
I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough 😉
When a woman says WHAT? It’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
I am a queen, and I demand to be treated like a queen.
Boys are great, every girl should have one.
I am not Spiderman nor Superman. However, I am the superhero for my GF!
I Like to study… Arithmetic – NO … world history – NO …. chemistry – NO… GIRLS – YES!
The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
God hadn’t made me handsome, but he’d given me something, I always felt: funny bones.
How do you know what it’s like to be stupid if you’ve never been smart?
I mean, funny like I’m a clown? Do I amuse you?
Girls use Photoshop to look beautiful… Boys use Photoshop to show their creativity.
Boys don’t make passes at female smart-asses.
I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.
There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh
I am a hot dude with a cool attitude.
I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. 🙂
I’m an amazing cook. And I’m a gentleman but can belch the entire alphabet. Classy.
I’m so happy for you, that you’ve got the most good-looking partner ever.
My love for you is like a fart that can’t be contained. Bursting out aloud in all its glory and fragrance.
Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each other’s phones.
The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is Salary is Credited 🙂
I believe in gender equality. So on our next date, I’m going to split the bill with you.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either 🙂
You are every girl’s dream come true. But never ever take that for granted, else I’ll be your worst nightmare.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
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